12 of the worst managerial terms used in 2017, that cause us stress.

We have all been sat at work, listened to manager speak and had to engage in conversation with a so called manager. You probably know the ones, these individuals are clearly out of their depth even when they are only splashing around in the shallow end of the pool.

You can tell when one of these so called modern managers approach as they have a very distinct call. It will be loud, fleeting and delivered at 100 miles an hour. Then they disappear in a blink of an eye, leaving people wondering what it was all about.

It seems that every time they pop into the office, they cause bewilderment and confusion. Firstly colleagues discuss why they came over and then tried to integrate at all, then they try to recall what had just been spouted in their general direction by a vanishing mirage.

They have just been ‘discombobulated’ by a supervisor. Yes, the manager has bamboozled them with management speak. These individuals have just had their bases touched by their manager, who did not use enough butter on their bread and has left their team looking at going forward, to streamline their actions as long as they do not go off-line as they have to concentrate on lining up their ducks.

So what has happened in our offices of power? Have we really started to use terms, and expressions that should have been left in the playground or at best in the pub after 5 pints? Yes, we have squared the circles as some have decided that plain English is just to obvious. That if managers use it, it would be clear they have no idea of what they are doing.

When we go to work we want to be spoken to as adults and in plain English. It is not hard to understand what people want to hear but as with everything in modern day work places, things are not as simple as this. We get stressed easily, especially when we know we are being belittled, misdirected and lied to.

The only time you should ever be asked to give some blue sky thinking is when you are on holiday and spread out on a sun lounger. If you are at a Diana Ross concert this is the only time you can reach out.

Here at Cave HQ, we has scoured the office desks and post-it notes to discover the most cringe-worthy and annoying phrases currently being used by Managers in 2017. We believe these sayings are part of the latest managers handbook, designed to cover peoples inadequacies in their role. To put some context on the worst offending managerial terms, we have put together a top 12 list along with our interpretation of their meanings.

We might want to think of the literal meanings of what we have been asked to do, so the next time we are asked for an idea shower, would it be wrong to throw armfuls of books at them?

Managerial speak and what it means.

1. Thinking outside the box. A very  simple way of saying, things are not working out and you need to try a new idea but if it goes wrong, I did not sanction it.
2. Singing from the same hymn sheet. Stop going in a different direction and work as a team, someone in the team has complained and now I have to deal with it.
3. It is not in my gift. I am not interested in exploring your request and do not want to burden my time in trying to sort it out.
4. No brainer. I want to show support for a great new idea, it sounds really impressive but I have no idea what it is all about however we are still going to do it.
5. Its on my radar. I forgot about it but was hoping I would remember to do it at some point, thanks for reminding me.
6. Bring it to the table. I have been asked to come up with a new method of doing something, but have no idea where to start, I need your help.
7. Hit the ground running. I have heard of a good idea and instead of introducing it slowly and testing it, we are changing practices straight away.
8. Low hanging fruit. I cannot be bothered about taking on any difficult tasks, I want an easy job.
9. Dot the I’s and cross the T’s. I do not trust you to produce high quality work without you checking and then re-checking your efforts, as I may want to pass this off as my own.
10. Best practice. You are doing it all wrong and are not doing it the way I want you to do it but I am not sure how to do it properly any way.
11. I’m swamped. Even though I am paid more money than you, I am not capable of good time management and I have to look busy, so I have no time for you.
12. Out of the loop. I have had no interest in getting involved in this and still have no interest in helping anyone come to a decision.

With managers not willing to tell people the truth, that they are not capable of doing their job properly, Managerial speak will continue to evolve as they bluff their way up the greasy pole of the promotion ladder. Words and phrases will get more skewed and longer as they continue to engage in the process whilst using their broken protractor and not getting the right angle.

Smile and laugh when you hear their calls and if you have your phone at hand tweet me your best verbal spews @carljones1554 using #CluelessManager.

Carl is the author of the 5 star rated The Caveman Principles book, he is currently writing book number two and decided that a time out was needed to share some thoughts.