September 16, 2026
This week’s newsletter is 24 hours late. My wife had knee surgery, and she came first. What happened next has turned into the most honest thing I have written in months.
There is a new role and name I have been using a lot over the last 24 hours, and it is one that fits the current need and time, it is Nurse Caveman!
Yesterday, this was me, my wife went in for a planned knee surgery, so everything else — the laptop, the deadlines, the meticulously planned 3pm newsletter — went on hold without me giving it a second thought. Ice packs, pillows positioned just so, cups of tea arriving, going on errands to the shop, cooking, cleaning up and being there, on hand, so she did not have to ask for anything and could concentrate on recovery. That was my job, and it was the only job that mattered.
Here is the thing about knee surgery, I understand it in a way most people do not: I have been through it twice. I know the particular quality and quantity of the pain. I know the helplessness of it, the frustration of a body that simply will not cooperate, the strange psychological weight of being temporarily dependent on someone else for the most basic things. I have been the one in the chair, propped up and grateful, watching someone else give up their day to make sure I was okay.
So when it was my turn to be that person, there was no deliberation involved. The ancient part of my brain, that part that has been running the show for around 300,000 years — did not need to consult a spreadsheet or check a calendar. It already knew the answer.
The tribe takes care of its own. That is not sentiment. That is survival.
Our ancestors did not write about this in bestselling books or put it on motivational posters. They simply lived it, because the option was not being able to survive long enough to have descendants who could write motivational posts about it. The tribe member who was injured or ill did not get left behind. The tribe member who could walk, who could carry things, who could think clearly enough to be useful stepped up. Not out of obligation, not out of guilt, but because the whole structure of tribal life was built on that shared understanding.
Now think about your own life, think about the people around you. Your partner, your family, your close friends. These people are who you genuinely rely on rather than simply knowing them, it might be a small group in number, but they are the base of a powerful team who show up when you need them. When was the last time you thought of them as an investment in your own future? Not as a cold or transactional action, but in the deeply human sense of caring that you put into those relationships, the care that will be there for you when you need it returned.
Here is what I kept thinking about while I was fetching those coffees, cakes, and ice packs: the reason I could and wanted to show up for my wife yesterday, without any resentment, without one eye on my phone, is that she has shown up for me. Through life’s ups and downs, through the chaos of building a business from scratch (she has been the best cheerleader and motivation anyone could ask for), through renovating our new home and when I have questioned myself about any number of choices, challenges or decisions. The relationship has a solid track record, the investment runs both ways.
That is the Caveman Principle at work in its most practical form. You do not build that kind of tribe by being too busy. You build it by showing up, no ifs, buts or maybes, and trusting that the people around you will do the same.
The businesses, the speaking gigs, training bookings, the newsletters those all matter, these matter more than I care to admit. They exist as important tasks, but in the context of a life worth living, it is not a question of what is more important. When the difficult moments arrive, as they always will, you won’t reach for your laptop; you’ll reach for support from others, and those who love you won’t wait to be asked.
Make sure you have looked after them well enough that they are fit, healthy, and ready to catch you.
CAVEMAN THOUGHT
“The strongest member of the tribe is the one who made sure nobody had to face the dark alone.”
PARTING QUESTION
Who in your life has shown up for you in the past year, and when did you last make sure they knew it?
Until next week — be the tribal member you are meant to be.
Carl
Same brain as caveman. Better coffee.
P.S. — HERE IS HOW I CAN HELP
Keynote speaking — I bring this stuff to life on stage. If your team or event needs a speaker who makes the science of stress and resilience genuinely memorable, let’s talk. carljones.org
The Tribal Sorter — Discover your tribal type and understand why you show up the way you do under pressure. cavemanprinciples.com/#quiz
The SLAP Technique — My framework for managing stress responses in real time. Ask me about it. slaptechnique.com
The Caveman Principles — cavemanprinciples.com – The book that started all of this. Available now – https://shop.ingramspark.com/b/084
eLearning — Take the principles at your own pace, in your own time. elevatedtraining.org
Public Speaking Training – Have a presentation coming up and don’t know what to do? speakertraining.uk
Discovery call — Not sure where to start? Twenty minutes with me will tell you everything you need to know.