May 26, 2026
How often do you feel that there is an outside influence that shouts so loudly at you that all you can do is go along with the instruction? For me, this has been a very interesting topic of conversation that I have explored for quite a few years and in some depth.
You see, I have always been a people watcher, nothing of the sordid kind, more of the interest kind. One of my biggest joys is going out for dinner. I look around the tables that surround me and then try to guess what the dynamics are of the occupants, what mood they are in and what they could be talking about. I have tried to include my wife, but she tells me to mind my own business, so I now have to do it in secret and not share my thoughts. If you have not done this, try it the next time you are out.
My fascination with other people’s lives probably started when I became a cop. Having to read situations, make instant judgements and decide a course of action in a split second, to gain control of volatile situations. Knowing full well that there are always two sides to the story, and I would never be told 100% of the truth from either party, I had to get really good at reading not only the situation but also all the players.
It made me the people reader that I am today, and it has given me a massive insight into the pressure others feel when they become unsure of themselves. Most of my explanations are in my book The Caveman Principles, but for today, I’d like to explain one aspect from a chapter in my book. I call it the Don’t push the button part.
Once you have grasped the concept of the button (earlier in the book), we come to the part where we need to understand how much effort we have to put into guarding our own button. There are plenty of people out there, screaming and shouting, waving and cajoling us all to do things that are of no benefit to anyone, including the shouter!
In the book, I have used the story of the veteran soldier, who is approached by a businessman who is desperate to help, offering advice that would make them both rich. I love this story as it highlights today’s missed opportunity to truly help someone because it benefits the individual and not to make a quick profit.
From this understanding, we start to see how people try to control their environment, and how they overspill their control onto others. Those whom they believe need to be interfered with, with little to no grasp of where that person has been, what they have overcome and what path they want to be on.
There are 2 sides and observations that normally arise from these interventions,
- The shouter has lost control of their own environment, so instead of setting it right, they work on other people’s ‘problems’ making themselves feel good, and will continue to interfere until they grow angry, tired or bored, then move on to the next unsuspecting person.
- The shoutee has not been clear enough about what they are doing, where they are going and has allowed the shouter to become part of the solution, essentially sending out the wrong signal. Often they become confused, frustrated and are then left high and dry by the shouter. They are probably more mixed up than before the shouter became involved, but have been pushed so far off their original path that they have no clue how to get back.
Neither person wins, and both people’s buttons have been pressed.
Now coming back to the button situation, your blood pressure has probably already risen, as you have probably associated yourself as either the shouter or the shoutee. But do not fear, as there is a solution.
Breathe
You probably read the subheading and thought “please, not another breathing exercise”, and you’d be right, this is not one of those hold your toes and take 16 deep breaths kind of conclusions.
For me, being in control of your button is about being aware of those around you and what they are doing. The breath comment is to just make you stop, whether you are about to dish out some advice, or feel that someone is interfering – just STOP for a second.
If you need to stand your ground, do it. Tell someone that you have got this and that you are working on a solution that will make you more confident once you have worked it out for yourself. Don’t be afraid to turn down advice
Wise words – If you wouldn’t trust someone enough to ask for their guidance, you shouldn’t let them interfere.
If you are about to impart your knowledge, STOP take one breath, consider if what you are doing helps them or you, ask (not tell – there is a difference) if the person would like some advice. Be polite and friendly, and expect to walk away so you leave them to do what they need to.
Set your house in perfect order before you criticise the world. Jordan Peterson
Observation
My observation is that both sides are as bad as each other, as each makes the other push their buttons when neither of them should feel the need to. If both sides had control of their own environments, there would be less interference from the start.
Factoid for the week
What would you call your book? When I re-released The Caveman Principles (2nd Edition), although it has the same theme, it has updated research and content. I also wanted to give it a new subtitle. I was so close to adding “Stop pressing the button” as the strapline, but instead I went with “Stress is not set in stone”.
Why? Because it represented my humour. I liked the dad joke and pun in the wording, it called to my inner Caveman Humour and made me happy. What would you have used?
Parting Question
How much are you influenced by the news? The reason I ask is that the news is the Shouter. Have they lost their narrative of people wanting to find out things, and do they now only sensationalise headlines, making every article clickbait and therefore interfering in your life for a monetary gain?
I appreciate the change in their circumstances, but should they be free to use your button to pay for their work?
As always, stay safe (and cool!).
Your friend, The Caveman.
P.S. When you are ready, here are a few things that might help you;
1) You can book me to attend your next event as a Keynote Speaker.
2) Ask me to send you a copy of my Speaker Brochure.
3) Grab a copy of my book, direct from my printing agent.
4) You might want to book yourself onto one of my eLearning courses to help you master a new skill.
5) Or if you have the time, and want to find a time for a Caveman chat (with virtual coffee) on a discovery call, do it!