May 19, 2026
As I was driving our car the other day, my wife, the passenger princess (as she likes to call herself because she never wants to drive), started a really interesting conversation. We chatted about the standards of driving and how people are uncaring about the damage they can cause with a tonne’s worth of metal hurtling towards someone at a rate of knots.
We came to the conclusion that people lose their humanity whilst sat behind a wheel, and also the fact that car manufacturers may be to blame. This may sound odd, but we counted the number of cars willing to push in, overtake, bully and push other drivers around. We counted the number of male and female drivers doing this and found it did not appear to be based on sex. The age range seemed to span from young to old drivers. But these reckless drivers had one thing in common, they were all in either a higher performance car or premium cars that lean into the fast driver experience (you can work out the brands, I am sure).
This conversation has been on my mind all weekend, and I came to a caveman conclusion this morning at the gym. My thoughts were that if these cars gave people something that is missing in their lives, something that, when offered, they grabbed and went all in with a ‘hell to the consequences’ attitude, even if it meant they damaged or wrote off their pride and joy, but why?
It would be easy to just put a broad stroke of a conclusion across the issue and just say people are stressed, and whilst in a car that can speed and makes the driver feel special, this is the why they have lost the will to be patient and be civil. Of course, I am sure this is a factor and consideration of the situation, but there is a huge piece of intellectual thought still missing: why and what makes them lose that human connection?
Being human is about being part of something, a family, a friend group, a work collaboration and a neighbourhood network, but what if those connections are not as strong as we think they are? Are we spread too thin to make a deep and meaningful connection to those expected unions, yet a sporty feeling such a car offers, a connection that asks nothing of you but offers you a chance to do what you like behind the wheel, regardless of the rules and expected decorum of other road users? That connection of steel and rubber becomes stronger than the thought of the family, friend, colleague or fellow human could offer.
For all the people I know who drive like loooooonatics, I have concluded that they love their cars, love how they make them feel, believe the driver is the most important thing in the metal cage, and that nothing makes them feel like that outside the vehicle. Being a man of questionable age (50 means I should be getting a motorbike – but I did that in my 30’s), means that I might have some answers to these questions and an insight into connection and choice.
1.Connection starts from an early age, at school. I hated my time at Sheldon School and could not wait to leave, but I recognised the need to connect with other learners. We were all captive and expected to get to the same goal to pass our exams. But what could have made the experience more bearable was a focus on my future. I left having done OK, but having no idea what I wanted to do with my life. No focus and no chance to connect with others who have the same path to travel, to be able to grow a connection and do something as a group.
I was lucky, I found my way into the Police, having a purpose, a drive and surrounded by colleagues who all wanted the same thing, to put bad guys away. I found a purpose. I was also able to drive very fast in underpowered Vauxhall Astra’s and wheezy Honda Civics, neither were sporty or fast cars, and I believe these were purchased for that very reason, to take the speed desire out of driving and to make the person behind the wheel use the tool, rather than give a tool that the driver cannot handle and therefore be unable to use. But being able to drive a fast car does sound appealing, and I could afford one, but not the track time, so the roads will have to do.
A connection to the car is easy to manage, but a connection to a family that is constantly wanting things from you is draining.
2.With the lack of clarity in life (no career to follow), people are not able to plan a route through adulthood. We grab and go for things that are not suitable, take jobs that do not push us or stretch our ability to learn. We all have stressful jobs where expectations outstrip our time, energy, and boredom levels, but a larger factor than we are truly comfortable with.
For me, a move into Project Management after being a cop was my choice, but I realised that the stress of controlling multi-million pound projects, although they were ‘doable’, did not provide what I wanted. I made a plan, don’t get comfortable with the money, I would not be doing this forever. Even though I was good at what I did, I knew it was not stretching me in the direction I needed or wanted. The role was not allowing me to fulfil my potential and build a life I could find fulfilling on my terms.
3.TV and Social media have a huge influence on people who feel unconnected and unfulfilled. We see people ‘living their best life’ showing off their expensive cars, houses, jewellery and holidays, and we want it. FOMO is real. This happens when selling sunsets is showing multi-million-pound houses, and this TV show is telling you that you did not do enough to warrant having one of these houses in LA. A constant reminder of failure and lack of funds makes us feel terrible and not want to engage in our own lives and connections.
Travel is my weakness, all I want to do is go on holiday, enjoy the sun and explore different cultures. It would be amazing if I travelled First Class everywhere (@British Airways, are you reading this?), but I have to stay towards the back of the plane to experience these adventures, getting on the plane and turning right reminds me that I have not made it, but I still get to travel, and will continue to do it for as long as I am able.
I’d rather dream about a nice house, watching it on TV, feel the joy the owner should feel than deal with today’s problem of paying my own mortgage on my tiny house.
Should these 3 things be addressed, I am sure that many car manufacturers will have to change their models and cars into a more luxurious and calmer place to be able to drive.
Now I feel depressed
If you are feeling sore right now, then good. I hit the right nerve, and if you want to reduce some of that anger, consider the following;
The resolve is harder to manage, but the solution is simple.
STOP living your life by other people’s standards. If you are reading this, have time to digest and have the intelligence to understand these words, you are already winning. There are hundreds, thousands, and possibly millions of people who are nowhere near as lucky as you are right now.
1.Pulling all these modern day problems from our lives will let you get back to the Caveman standards of providing for those we should be caring about. I hate to say the old phrase, but we should all be working to live, not the other way around. We have a choice to make our connections count. Choose human over metal.
2.A choice to do good and a choice make a path worthy of our lives. Starting right now, NOT TOMORROW or later on, think about what you want to achieve with your life. Trust me, just saying “becoming a millionaire” is not worthy of your effort, life, or purpose; the journey of how you will achieve it is.
3.STOP living other people’s lives. You cannot live anyone’s but your own. Choose what to watch carefully, it is in your power to decide whether you want to grow or feel like a failure. You have everything you have worked for, live YOUR life, enjoy your own achievements, and stop measuring your life with other people’s tape measures.
Some people get lucky, they find their journey/path/route. Some find that what they have been working toward is not actually what they wanted and make a change. A few others take time to work out what makes them happy and then work out how they can switch track. The rest of us need to wake up, see where we are heading, and either become comfortable with our future and own it or decide to change it.
Easier said than done? If you want help, the last section of my book, about making a change, will help guide you in making these types of decisions.
My suggestion is to hang up the keys to a life that offers you a quick thrill, and do some work on where you truly want to go. Make your life count for the right reasons.
Your friend, The Caveman.
P.S. When you are ready, here are a few things that might help you;
1) You can book me to attend your next event as a Keynote Speaker.
2) Ask me to send you a copy of my Speaker Brochure.
3) Grab a copy of my book The Caveman Principles, direct from my printing agent.
4) You might want to book yourself onto one of my eLearning courses to help you master a new skill.
5) Or if you have the time, find a time for a Caveman chat (with a coffee) on a discovery call.