July 14, 2026
How many times have you been part of a team tasked with doing one job, yet nobody can agree on how it should be done?
It’s a common and frustrating problem, and it seems to be getting worse — people are resigning and moving jobs, citing “personality clashes” as the reason. The problem itself isn’t new. Years ago, managers spotted it early and dealt with it long before it became intolerable. I’m not saying the managers of old were any better than today’s, but the days of “the manager’s word is law” are long gone, and nothing much has replaced them.
Picture the scene: a group of cavepeople sorting out dinner plans. The task is easy, four nice, big, juicy mammoth steaks. Locate a mammoth, do the deed, eat like royalty. Simple. And yet within minutes, the fireside is in uproar. One wants to drive it off a cliff. One wants to dig a pit. One thinks the whole thing should be discussed further before anyone throws a spear. Nobody is arguing about whether to catch the mammoth — they’re falling out over how.
Keep that image in mind. I’ll come back to it. I learned one trick in the Police that I carried into everything since: play the person, not the role. And nowhere did I need it more than in my project management days.
You may know that after the Police, I ran multimillion-pound innovation projects, alongside an extended team of project managers, each of whom had their own portfolios but were expected to work the same way. The job is simple, really: get to grips with the plans, the finances, the key players and the stakeholders. Record, meet, discuss, report. File, hold people accountable, deliver on time and at the agreed cost. See? Simple!
The other PMs all followed that same path. But whether it was a tomayto or tomahto sort of difference, they grew endlessly frustrated with each other for doing the job in a way that wasn’t their way. I won’t bore you with the finer details, but this was a regular upset, each of them watching the others, passing comments, getting wound up that things weren’t being done “properly.” Even though the projects were coming in on time and on budget.
Here’s the thing: nobody was arguing about whether to catch the mammoth. The mammoth was already dead. Dinner was served, every week. They were four cavemen standing over a successful hunt, still furious about the spear-throwing technique.
Sitting in the Programme Board listening to the sniping starts off as entertainment. Then you realise they’re genuinely stressing each other out. There’s no middle ground, and because a project has far too many moving parts for anyone but its own PM to fully grasp, watching them try to take a chunk out of each other becomes belittling and draining for everyone in the room.
Being who I am, I watched, and when I could see someone was about to burst a blood vessel, I stepped in. It started with a simple conversation: how are you? Then stepping it up: why did the board meeting wind you up? Then I listened. Nods and “uh-huhs” only, for exactly five minutes. No more, no less (yes, I had an eye on the clock). Five minutes is enough for a person to feel properly heard without the vent turning into a full on whinge.
By the time those five minutes were up, I knew exactly which tribal member I was dealing with, and once you know the tribe, peeling someone away from their frustration is easy. Everyone fits into a personality category, and there are only four. Check on their welfare, let them vent, and the right advice for that person is suddenly obvious.
What I worked out, most of the time, was this: each of them felt they were doing the job properly, and therefore anyone recording things differently must be doing it wrong. (This echoed my Police days perfectly — cops endlessly frustrated that other cops weren’t doing it their way, and therefore, in their eyes, the wrong way.)
So why has this become such a big problem in the modern workplace? The answer is obvious to say and difficult to get under the skin of. Companies want ever more transparency and accountability. On paper, that’s healthy. In practice, it means too many employees spend their days looking over their shoulder, making sure they can’t be blamed for a mistake or for not doing enough. And in stressful jobs, the urge to throw someone else under the bus grows stronger by the year — because the caveman logic running quietly in everyone’s head is simple:
If the tribe is busy judging your kill, they’re not judging mine.
Every new protocol, dashboard and review process adds another window for everyone to scrutinise everyone else’s work. But the people doing the work are the most important factor in all of it — without them, nothing gets done, and the company, organisation or department is no longer viable. Managers managing their people — not just the process — is what reduces the friction, and reduced friction means happier humans and easier workplaces.
My fix in the scenario above? Cut the big board meeting down. Everyone comes together for the programme manager’s update, then each PM returns at an allocated time to present their own project, without the others sitting on the sidelines offering “critical suggestions.” Each caveman reports on their own hunt. Nobody critiques anyone else’s spear technique.
Friction dropped. People got on with their work. I kept calling and checking in on them right up until I left to start this business, and the wonderful part is that they still text and call me now. I’ve even been offered my old job back.
The trick is to play the person, not the role or the job.
If you’ve got a team that can’t see eye to eye, four cavemen arguing over a mammoth that’s already dead, that’s exactly the kind of thing I fix. Book a discovery call (virtual coffee included), and I’ll show you how to play the people, not the roles.
Caveman Thought
Cavemen didn’t survive by watching each other hunt. They survived by trusting every member of the tribe to do their job. The watching only started when people got scared.
Parting Question
Before you move on with your day, think about the last colleague who frustrated you. Were they actually doing the job wrong — or just doing it differently to you? And be honest: how much of your energy last week went on the difference?
As always, be the tribal member you are meant to be. It makes for a much easier and simpler life.
Your friend,
Carl – The Caveman.
P.S. When you are ready, here are a few things that might help you;
1) You can book me to attend your next event as a Keynote Speaker.
2) Do you want to do a FREE personality test? Check out The Caveman Principles Tribal Sorter.
3) Check out my theories – The SLAP Technique
4) Grab a copy of my book, direct from my printing agent.
5) You might want to book yourself onto one of my eLearning courses to help you master a new skill.
6) Or if you have the time and want to find time for a Caveman chat (with virtual coffee) on a discovery call, do it here.