May 12, 2026
When did life become so complicated? When in our ancestors’ age, was it ever as confusing as it is today?
Since I hit 50 (this year), I’ve been reflecting on recent years, and I think most of our days are now set up to focus on what we are doing wrong. Will we be judged or outted for making a mistake? Have we forgotten how to get on with things and how to live? I think if we look at the situations, we have to say yes to both these questions.
This has been a revelation, as I have always been one to make sure I am living in the moment. I sometimes think the moment is no longer what it once stood for. I love the metaphor that I give to so many clients and friends.
You cannot focus on the road ahead when what you are constantly doing is looking in the rear view mirror.
My fear is that life has become so reflective that we are turning into an armchair jury nation. Now you may ask what experience I have had with this, and I can tell you that in the 19 years as a cop, I had to go through the armchair brigade every single shift. Decisions made in the blink of an eye in hot, volatile situations, making a judgement call, only to be questioned the following day by those sitting in an office, having a coffee, taking as much time as they like, with all the facts (before, during and after) to question whether a decision made was the right one.
I was very fortunate that when I moved into Project Management, I was given a free rein to manage my projects as I saw fit. I maintained budgets, timelines and quality but had a very free-flowing narrative with all my suppliers. They knew my expectations and knew the implications. I have experienced both sides of the coin. AND I can tell you which one was progressive, grown up and gained the maximum traction (you do not need to be a scientist or in analysis to work this out).
To me, it feels that the first experience is the norm in society, and I think this is stifling progress and innovation in our own lives. You are probably expecting a really impressive comment, a sentence that will snap you out of this and get you back to being the free-flowing and easy going person we all secretly want to be.
Unfortunately, it is not that easy – but if you are about to shout and say just do it, give me something to ease the pain from the constant noise of headcount requests, internal complaints, and inbox clutter, as it is distracting enough, then try this as a mantra –
If you’re waiting for permission to be different, you’ve already lost.
Being self aware is more important than finding a fix. Recognition of the situation is more powerful and transformational than someone selling you a one trick pony. Early in my career, several times I experienced blockages in my decision making process, and as a sharp end cop, this is debilitating, all due to the worry of someone picking holes in my operational clout.
My Fix
Luckily for me, I recognised that reasoning was the answer. I made many notes on the difficult decisions in my little notebook. I got very good at justifying and writing out a rationale, and I believe this is the reason why I am very good at looking forward. I took a situation, worked through the problem, wrote a rational decision making note and moved on, knowing that if I was ever asked or challenged, regardless of their thought or cold-light-of-day spouting, I could put my hand on my heart and say I did my best.
Now rush forward to today, the decision making is no longer just our peers, family and friends, but people we have and will never meet who live on the other side of the world. Social media has a lot to answer for! These people will certainly not have all the information, the local knowledge or be in full factual knowledge of the situation, yet we worry about what they will think. (I hope you are not one to point and give your opinion before knowing the true story). And this leads me to the most important fact we have to remember.
Why take criticism from those that you would never take advice from?
Living our lives is about our choice and ours alone. Being a Caveman is easy, it is my choice, I made the decision with all the facts and information I had at the time, and I am sticking to it.
Some of this self reflection is covered in my book, The Caveman Principles, but really the book was written for those that are struggling with real world stress. Why did I bring this up – apart from a selfless plug, it highlights the last comment. I am not just here bashing keys on LinkedIn that lands in your inbox to try and make you feel better. No, I published a book, expecting someone to purchase it and get value from it. Those who do, I hope, enjoyed it, but I have also put myself out there, baring my soul and not wanting people to criticise my work. That takes a lot of Caveman Guts (so far, no one has been judgmental about it).
Now that you have got to this point, you are probably asking, why is this article about recycling? And you have a point, I now have to shoehorn a really bad link here, give me a sec.
Recycle or not, just make a choice.
My point is that every week we worry about what we do, whether it is about putting the right paper in the box, if the plastic has the right code on it, whether it is glass and plastic or tin and plastic in the same box. Recycling is not difficult, and we make mistakes. Life is the same, the decisions that we make take effort, the learned behaviours we come to accept as correct, and the way we do things might be wrong in other people’s eyes. BUT we have to learn to live with our own judgement first and not those of others.
Being comfortable with our thought process should not be alien to us; instead, we should be accepting of our choice and then be open to learning and growing, reduce the burden, stop second guessing, and move on. When a sticker is placed on the recycle boxes that you mixed up the wrong bits, learn from it. If someone gives you feedback on a decision, learn from it and do not be afraid to make a mistake again. Being comfortable and confident that mistakes will happen will make you a happier, more carefree person.
Stop worrying, embrace your mistakes.
Thought for the week
The “Spectators” are busy: Most people are too preoccupied with their own inbox and their own choices to give your “mistakes” more than a passing glance.
Parting Question
If nobody is questioning or reflecting on what you’re doing, are you just maintaining the status quo?
If you want a mission for this week, this has to be it – stop asking “How will this look?” and start asking “What does this solve?” Move out of the fear and into the real world, where your impact has a real chance of making you happy.
Your friend, The Caveman.
P.S. When you are ready, here are a few things that might help you;
1) You can book me to attend your next event as a Keynote Speaker.
2) Ask me to send you a copy of my Speaker Brochure.
3) Grab a copy of my book, direct from my printing agent.
4) You might want to book yourself onto one of my eLearning courses to help you master a new skill.
5) Or if you have the time, find a time for a Caveman chat (with coffee) on a discovery call.